作为父母，自然会对自己掌握的育儿技能感到担忧。这种担忧经常出现，很多人都相信，这比进入其他角色时出现的忧虑来得更自然。可见，真正的养育是一种学习过程。大多数人不是“天生的父母”，经验的累积让我们成长为父母这一角色。很多家长最为关心的就是如何管教孩子。

    管教有多重意义。我们设定了什么界限？我们提供给孩子的行为模范和教育方式是怎样的 ？也许，当我们听到“管教”这个词时，通常的想法就是我们如何应对孩子令人头痛的行为。我们既担心过于严苛，又担心仁慈会助长孩子养成坏习惯。

    提高嗓门，这是教育工作者和父母所采用的一种手段。当孩子们做了某些触碰原则的事情时，我们倾向于用大嗓门来表示严重警告。在某些情况下，这是一种自然的、可以理解的、绝对必要的反应。孩子们需要被警告以远离任何对他们或其他人有危险的行为。大声叫喊是在这些情况下表示紧急的有效方式。当我们为了警告孩子们而对他们大喊大叫时，我们会感到很难过。然而，与此同时，孩子们也会出于本能地大哭，或者在被大声呵斥之后，变得心烦。据儿童健康组织中心Elana Pearl Ben-Joseph博士说：“事实是，你的孩子可能因为你的大嗓门感到恐惧与紧张而哭泣，而不是因为你‘太过严厉’。这时，你们可以安慰他们，并不需要道歉。”

    养成一种把提高嗓门作为传递信息的方式的习惯是很危险的。有一种风险是让孩子们变得太习惯于被大喊大叫，从而阻碍其在严重事件跟小事件中决断的能力。本-约瑟夫博士说，“如果你觉得自己养成了这个习惯，那么在回应孩子的行为之前，深呼吸一下，问问自己，我是不是反应过度了?”如果是这样，那就走开几分钟，等你冷静下来再回来。”(同前)

    用低沉、坚定的声音来教导孩子们，把注意力集中在行为上，而不是孩子身上。在训导之前，直接指点和寄予期望是非常必要的，因为解释、模仿和激励行为要比惩罚更有成效，前者能往你们希望的方向发展，后者只会让你们皱眉头。如果不成文的规定被打破了，最好是牢牢地阐明规定是什么，为什么它必须是那样的，以及下次破坏规定的后果。期望我们的孩子预先猜测我们的规定对他们来说是不平等的。

    CIEO绝对禁止所有员工体罚学生，这也应该是任何有声望的教育机构必须严令禁止的。对于打屁股的效果，可能会有一些随意的争论，但从小被打屁股的人，在教育孩子方面会继续采用这种方式。科学证据表明体罚对父母的管教是无效的。科学证据表明父母体罚孩子无法达到纠错的目的。“对孩子来说，打屁股是一种羞辱，同时，会让他们感到愤怒，形成攻击，产生怨恨，并伤害他们的身体，而且经常达不到父母想要的教育目的。”Larissa Hirsch博士警告说。

    我们有很多有效的方法，可以让孩子们慢慢地意识到触犯规则是要以牺牲某些特权作为代价的。树立正确的行为模范(比如保持自我控制)能有效育儿，因为这是顺应自然的结果(如果一个孩子生气地把东西从桌子上扔下来，那就让他捡起来)。在父母所能有的任何一种约束途径中，目的和行为一致以及帮助孩子建立结果和行为之间的联系至关重要。（完）

Children’s Health – Discipline
Paul Kozyn

A natural part of being a parent is to feel worried about our parenting skills.  It can often appear, and many people believe, that it comes naturally to some more so than others, and while this may be true parenting is a learning process.  Most people aren’t “naturally parental” but rather grow into the role as we accrue experience.  One area in particular stands out for many parents and that’s in the area of disciplining our kids.

Discipline can mean many things.  What boundaries are we setting?  What kind of behavior patterns are we modeling and teaching our kids?  Probably the most common idea we think of when we hear the word “discipline” is how we respond to troublesome behaviour.  We worry about being too strict, but we also worry about our lenience allowing for our children to develop bad habits.

Raising your voice is a mechanism employed by educators and parents alike.  When children do things which cross a certain line our inclination is to get loud to express a stern warning.  This is a natural, understandable and absolutely necessary response in certain situations.  Kids need to be warned off of any behavior which presents a danger to them or others and yelling is an effective way to convey urgency in these cases.  Often when we shout at children we feel bad for having alarmed them.  However, as natural as it is to shout at times, it’s equally natural for kids to cry or otherwise become upset after having been shouted at.  According to Dr. Elana Pearl Ben-Joseph of kidshealth.org, “the truth is your kids are likely crying in response to the fear and urgency in your voice, not because you've been ‘too stern.’ At times like these, it's OK to comfort them without apologizing.”

It’s dangerous to fall into a habit of raising our voices as a means of sending a message.   There is a risk of setting a standard where kids become too used to being shouted at which hinders the ability to develop a sense for deciding between serious and more minor situations.  Says Dr. Ben-Joseph, “If you feel yourself getting into this habit, take a deep breath before responding to your child's behavior and ask yourself, ‘Am I about to overreact?’ If so, walk away for a few minutes and come back when you've calmed down.”

Speaking in a low, firm voice goes a long way when disciplining kids, focusing on the behavior and not the child.  It’s essential to be direct and explain expectations before disciplining as it’s more productive to explain, model and incentivize behaviours which you expect than it is to punish that which frown upon.  If an unspoken rule is broken, it’s best to firmly articulate what the rule is, why it must be that way and the consequence for the next time the rule is brown.  Expecting our kids to guess our rules in advance is an unfair onus to place upon them.

Physical punishments are absolutely forbidden for all CIEO staff as they should be for teachers in any reputable educational institution.  There may be some casual debate over the effectiveness of spanking, but people who do use spanking tend to do so simply because it was how they were raised.  Scientific evidence indicates that corporal punishment is ineffective for parents.  “Spanking can be humiliating for children, and cause anger, aggression, and resentment, as well as physical harm, and often does not teach the lesson a parent is trying to convey,” warns Dr. Larissa Hirsch, also of kidshealth.org.

There are many, more effective, methods of disciplining children from time outs to losses of privileges for breaking rules.   Modeling appropriate behavior (like maintaining self-control) can be effective, as can natural consequences (if a child angrily knocks things off a table let them pick them up).  Consistency and helping kids draw connections between consequences and actions are vital in any discipline routine parents can establish.